In class on Monday, April 21st, we talked about privacy on the web and implications of “putting yourself out there.”
We would like you to read the following article and respond to the question it poses: Is This Man Cheating on His Wife?
Wake Forest University
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14 Responses to “Blog Discussion Post #5 - Privacy on the Web”
The article proposes an interesting debate. Literally, this man is not cheating his wife because he has never crossed paths with his virtual wife in real life. However, in terms of enjoying his virtual life more than his real life, I can understand why his wife is upset. Virtual reality life games allow a person to escape the hardships and disappointments of real life and focus on a life that they wish they had. I believe that these games can be an addiction, and it is unhealthy for a person to be enthralled in a game when they have a real life to live.
This man is absolutely cheating on his wife. When they married, he vowed to love her more than anything and to make her his first priority. Even though he hasn’t crossed any physical lines and probably never will, they have no real relationship. He won’t even let her feed him — even the worst husband stereotypes are willing to let their wives take care of them! Although I’m not a gamer, I can understand how building a world could be really fun and time consuming. It seems like Second Life combines video games and chat rooms to produce a product that’s like a huge social game. This man seems to have forgotten that these games aren’t real, however, and in addition to cheating his wife, he is also cheating himself out of life experience.
I think that man is emotionally cheating on his wife, yes (as opposed to physically, since he doesn’t know this person in real life). The fact that he is spending most of his time developing a fictional world and not interacting with his own wife is appalling. It sounds like it provides an escape from him, but he really should be dealing with reality. It’s not healthy to sit in front of a computer all day and not even get to know the person you are actually spending your life with (as opposed to his fictional wife… who’s out there somewhere). I think everyone should have their own hobbies or things they like to do, but you shouldn’t shut yourself out from the real world to do so. He needs a reality check.
I think that in the conventional sense of cheating on one’s spouse, this man is not committing an adultery. As the article suggests, one can not cite an online relationship as adultery; however there is a strong sense that this man is robbing his marriage of any chance for emotional development, and thus in a way he is “cheating” on his wife. His wife, in my opinion is more than justified if she would like to have time apart from her husband after many attempts of trying to assimilate herself into his world. NO relationship can survive without a deep emotional commitment, and I just do not think that this man has kept up his part of the agreement to remain emotionally invested in his wife. His online cyber relationship has almost completely taken over his life and while it is important for him to activities, he cannot neglect his wife.
This man has never met his virtual wife in real life and therefore is not actually cheating on her. I do believe however he is living his life in the virtual world as he would like to live it in the real world. I do also find it a bit ridiculous that people actually pay money to buy things in this online game. However, it can just be a fantasy like owning your own private island as he does in Second Life. I think this game, for him, might just be an escape from the hardships of life in general like maintaining a steady income to support a family. I do think though that he must provide an emotionally fulfilling aspect to his wife in real life. By him saying it is just a game, he must show her that it really is just a game and not ignore her like she says he does. It is fine to take time off to enjoy a game much like Sims as long as it doesn’t interfere with your real life.
In recent years the technological world has become more and more advanced and the trend of virtual gaming has become very prevalent and also controversial. The increased popularity of virtual games has the potential to lead to addictions and unhealthy habits. Especially when people begin to create a new virtual self on these games, they get pulled into their new perfect life and enthralled with the ability to control their lives. By living another life through technology in a game with no boundaries, not only are the views of real life skewed but also creates an obsession with things that are not real and could in turn have dangerous effects on one’s health and one’s relationships with other, particularly whoever he or she is close with. In the case of Mr. Hoogestraat, he technically is not cheating on his wife with his virtual “wife” but he is on some level neglecting his real wife, which is still bad and is the result of an unhealthy addiction to a game. His wife has a right to be mad about her husband’s unreasonable obsession with his virtual life in a video game, but has no room to say that he is cheating on her.
After reading the article, I literally said “Wow!” It’s amazing that this game, Second Life has become a virtual escape from reality that takes the man, Mr. Hoogestraat away from his wife. He spends all day on the website and if his wife were to get a divorce, she would definitely have a good reason to. After reading the title, I thought that it would be too “over the top” to say that the man was cheating on his wife because of a virtual relationship, but now I feel as though he is. His obsession with the virtual world that he has created, with his virtual wife and occupations show that he has more of an interest and connection with his internet world than the real world. The game is allowing him to live a different life in more ways than one. The article ends with a note that shows how sad it is for the man’s real wife in that she knows that she has become invisible to him, even in the food that she prepares for him. I would say that by having this completely different life of entering the virtual world and cheating his wife out of a complete life by being present, then he is cheating on her.
This man is definitely cheating on his wife. You dont have to have sex with a person in order to cheat on them. If he has an emotional relationship with this woman on the internet, then he is cheating on his wife. The (emotional) time that he spends with his virtual wife could be spent with his REAL wife. I guess it depends on what your opinion of cheating is. I guess you could think of it like you think about sin. Its a sin to lust after someone (in your mind), just as it is a sin to have sex with someone other than your wife. The same applies with cheating.
I believe the man is definitely setting himself up to cheat. However, I don’t think this cheating. It’s funny all the girls so far say yes and guys no
I would have to say that the man is not cheating. I am tentative to say that, but truly he has not really done anything wrong, since he has no plans to meet up with his cyber wife and seems to have no emotional connection to her away from the computer. It is extremely wierd and wacky that he has gone out and done this, but he is not literally cheating. I think the issue at hand is not cheating, but something far deeper than that.
I think he is emotionally cheating on his real wife. At some level, emotionally cheating is worse than physically cheating because there’s the risk of falling in love. Since him and his cyber wife are so close, what is keeping them from meeting and falling in love. It seems like this “Second Life” is a way for people to get away from the stresses of the real world and become someone who they are not. It seems that this virtual world is just a chat room with actual characters, not just screen names.
This might be one of the most comical articles I have read lately. No, the man is not “cheating on” his wife considering his sexual relations with this “second” wife is not reality; however, I would like to pose the argument that he is “cheating his wife” of a normal real relationship, considering playing this computer game is ALL he does most days. I cannot believe he and his virtual wife actually spend MONEY on this thing. It appears absolutely ridiculous to me. And agreeing with the comment posted before mine, I would say that this scenario is emotionally disturbing for all parties involved. It is not healthy on any basis, and it’s honestly pretty pathetic that these people waste their lives living through imaginary people. Come on, get out and live.
Technology has allowed for the expansion and development of interpersonal communication and interaction in a variety of ways. As is the case in the article, there are certain areas in the world wide web which attempt to recreate or displace reality. Mr. Hoogestraat has discovered this and has, in a way, created an alternate reality to the one in which he is now living. In regards to his wife, Mr. Hoogestraat is not really cheating, but what constitutes cheating? Can it only be physical betrayal to your significant other, or can it be an emotional committment to someone or something else. His wife shouldn’t be as mad as she should be concerned about the fate of their relationship. He has found a false way to solve their problems, which only benefits him. In this way, this addiction can easily lead to the end of their commitment to one another. There is some need here for discussion in order to solve the problems Mr. Hoogestraat has tried to solve through this virtual reality.
I would consider this man to be cheating on his wife, but obviously not in the traditional sense. He has traded a false reality for his real life, and transitively has traded a false wife for his real one. The way he pays more attention to his virtual wife than to his real one in my opinion constitutes him as a cheater. It is really ridiculous how much time this man spends on the game. I think if his wife wants to send him a real message, she should go on vacation for a week, maybe longer, and stop taking care of him. That would hopefully send him a wake up call that he needs to appreciate her more and realize that he is losing his life to a fantasy.